Too much love will kill you
by Serenitas
Summary: Too much love will kill you, it will make your life a lie, torn between your lover and the love you leave behind. You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul...you'd plead and scream and crawl...the pain will make you crazy, you're a victim...D/H


            This fic came to me as I was listening to the amazing song "Too Much Love will Kill you" by Queen and I instantly thought of it being a Harry/Draco. I own nothing, so don't bother to sue. Standard disclaimers. Read and review but be kind! Please review! No flames! Enjoy!

            Draco Malfoy entered his spacious manor and threw his stuff on the floor knowing that a house elf would be along to pick it up. His wife came flying out to meet him. "Drake!" Pansy cried as she pulled him close and kissed him. 

            He disentangled himself from her vicelike grip and tried to keep the look of disdain off his face. How he detested this woman! He never would have married her if he had've had a say in his future. He headed into his study, one place that Pansy feared to tread and therefore never entered. Not even his father entered his study, for Draco had promised a Cruciatus Curse on anyone who did. This was the one place where he could be alone with his thoughts, and as they always did, his thoughts lingered on the one he loved. The one who got away. The one he sent away. The black hair and green eyes were permanently imprinted on his mind. The only way he could stand to look at Pansy was to superimpose his face over hers. He felt like pieces of the man he had once been.

            If only they hadn't been caught, if only his father was Voldemort's right hand. If only their love was stronger, if only Draco could've stood up to his father…if only…

**_Flashback_**

            _He was confused. It was his worst enemy, it was a GUY, yet the feelings were there. All this time he had been denying what he knew in his hear to be true, he just had to admit it. Growing up was such a struggle but he was succeeding. His tangled state of mind was now clear. He saw his quarry up ahead and picked up a stray piece of paper to lob off the back of his head. Now that he knew the truth himself, he couldn't stand to go another minute without telling the object of his desire. He'd either be disgusted or feel the same if the glances he'd been sneaking lately were any indication, but either way he had to get this off his chest. He had to make a move or else move on. He threw the paper._

_            Harry Potter turned, his green eyes blazing with irritation and Draco felt his breath catch in his throat. He gestured to his two friends (or stalkers in Draco's opinion) to go on ahead and he'd catch up. "What the hell did you do that for Malfoy?" he snarled._

_            Draco gestured with a finger to follow him and slipped behind one of the larger suits of armour that was on that floor. "Potter I have something to tell you. I have noticed you looking at me and if my instincts are correct then what I am going to say is dead on."_

_            "Malfoy for the first time in your sheltered and spoiled life I do believe you are rambling!"_

_            Draco closed his eyes. Harry was right, he was rambling like a Hufflepuff. Deciding to put an end to all of this, he grabbed Harry's face and kissed him firmly. For a moment it was like kissing a rock but after a moment Harry began to respond – much to Draco's joy. Lips opened as tongues ventured in and explored the new areas. Hands drifted and caressed, pulling bodies closer as they closed their eyes and were convinced time stopped. Breaking apart for air became crucial and for a moment they just stared at each other, awed by the unspoken revelations. _

_~**End Flashback**~_

            Harry Potter smiled at his wife as she greeted him cheerfully. Ginny was as wonderful a wife as anyone could ask for, she adored him – always had – and was his best friend's baby sister, so now he had a huge extended family and that should've made him happier than anything else in this world. But it didn't. Yes Ron was his best mate and always would be, but there were times when Harry regretted his past choices, when he regretted doing the right thing all for the sake of those who had their pre-conceived beliefs. He had let go of his one love, only to venture into a life of no love. Yes Ginny loved him deeply, but not for who really was, but what he represented and he accepted this. With Ginny there was predictability, there was reliability, there was routine. There was bread and butter lovemaking, but no real spark. He married a woman he regarded as a little sister. He had no fire to give Ginny, for his fire had burned out and left him to marry a fellow Death Eater.

            Harry no more believed that Draco was evil than he was. He knew him better than that, all they had shared went deeper, was so much more. When they were together it was hot, sweaty and passionate. It was a flame that burned so brightly there were times they feared spontaneous combustion. They worked together, they belonged together, and they made a vow neither of them could keep. When they had been found out, the consequences had been severe. Had it really only been a year?

**_Flashback_**

_            Draco thrust himself into Harry's mouth harder as Harry smirked at him and pulled his mouth off completely, prolonging the torment and the torture. Draco howled in agony as he reached for Harry's head to finish what he had started. To be so close to climax and then denied. The pain was exquisite torture, the greatest of all agonies. "Harry…" Draco breathed as he reached for the one he loved._

_            Harry smiled mischievously as he looked into the eyes of his Dragon. They completed each other, the light and dark, the yin and the yang. As he entered Draco, he felt like he was coming home. As they moved together, their sweat mingled as they spoke words of love to each other. "I'll never leave you." Draco promised as Harry climaxed gloriously bringing him over the edge. _

_            "We will always be together." Harry vowed as they held each other in a gentle aftermath. Little did they know of the storm that was about to break over their heads. _

_            Smiling at each other in the way that lovers do, trying not to hold hands as they walked at a distance from the other down the hall, Harry saw a hand reach out and cover Draco's mouth and jerk him into an empty room just as someone latched onto his arm and yanked his glasses off so he was more or less blind. "I can't believe you did something like that!" was all Harry heard._

_            For him the remaining days blended together into a haze of nothingness, all he knew was that he was missing Draco, his love. How was his Dragon doing? Word that he was going be married was a surprise but he no longer cared. He would head to an empty marriage, for his heart had been stolen by someone who couldn't accept that two hated enemies loved each other, that a truce had been decreed and that two males were in love. Harry knew then in his heart that he would never see or speak to his Dragon again and something that was inside him, at the very core of him died._

_~**End Flashback**~_

            Pansy's shrill voice cut into Draco's thoughts. "Drake! Don't forget that we have that meeting tonight in Hogsmeade!"

            He didn't bother to answer, he never did. A trip to Hogsmeade, oh joy. He didn't want to go, but as his father had coached him as a child, he did have to put in a respectable appearance along with being a covert Death Eater. Soon they would be able to reveal themselves for what they really were, but until then they had to go to meetings like this about the Muggle problem. 

            Lucius, the one who was always so cold to his son had certainly let his fury burn hot when Draco had been exposed. He had been married before he knew what was happening and after many hours under the Cruciatus and Imperius Curses from his father, he never again stepped out of line. There was nothing left in him to step out of line. All that made up the core of him was gone. Gone with the black hair and the green eyes that he could never forget.

            He and Pansy entered the meeting hall in Hogsmeade, sitting with other Death Eaters, watching the others arrive. He saw many Hogwarts students entering and marvelled that only a short year ago he had been one of them. He remembered Dumbledore trying to calm all parties and being hollered at to shut up, what would he know about such unnaturalness. Over the past year Draco had had to prove numerous times that his 'unnaturalness' had been cured. For all that his father claimed he believed him, Draco found himself followed more often than not. 

            Yet another insipid couple entering. A Weasley by the looks of the red hair. Draco sat upright suddenly as he recognized that mop of dark hair following the red. There was no need for Harry to know that he had been present at his shotgun wedding, that when the Minister had asked if there were any objections Draco damn near called out that he did and that Harry belonged to him, not that little harpy.

            He didn't make a motion, but he didn't need to. Those clear emerald eyes sought him out instinctively and for a moment it was as if the past year had never happened. It was as if he was simply entering the Potions lab. Harry's face had gone deathly white as he looked longingly at Draco. All Draco wanted to do was run to Harry and tell him how much he had missed him. He nodded as he read the turmoil in his eyes, knowing the same was reflected in his. Harry appeared to be the shadow of the man he used to be and despite how worried Draco was, he knew a test when he saw one.

            Harry saw Draco sitting there, he knew he'd be there before he ever entered the meeting hall, a sixth sense when it came to detecting his former lover working in his advantage and giving him time to steel himself. He saw Draco with Pansy, surrounded by Death Eaters and he felt bitter tears well up inside him, but he had vowed he would cry no more over this. His fate was set with Ginny – like it or not. He made eye contact with Draco and was torn with the love he had left behind. He saw anguish in his Dragon's eyes and longed to soothe it, but there was nothing to be done. He sat heavily in a chair next to Ginny, ignoring the Weasley clan that surrounded him like a horde of locusts. They always surrounded him. He was lost in thought…he had once brought Draco sunshine, now all he did was bring him down. None of this made sense, and every way they turned they were bound to lose. He knew the Weasley's, despite saying they understood that Harry needed to 'experiment' and forgave him for his indiscretions with Malfoy, they never left him and Ginny alone for long, always dropping by the house and popping up whenever they went out. Percy used his contacts at the Ministry to follow Harry. He was always followed.

            Fred and George were pretty good on him, understanding in their own way. They thought they knew what it was like to stand in his shoes. The pain he was in made him crazy. He remembered when he found out that Draco was being married and had snuck to the ceremony, wishing it was him up there on the altar and he had wanted to plead and scream and crawl, but in the end said nothing and left the church before he kissed his bride.

            He was so sick of living a lie. He'd sell his soul to go back to that time in Hogwarts, those stolen moments with Draco. Who had betrayed them in the end?

            Hours and hours later, the meeting finally over, Draco told Pansy to go on ahead, he had forgotten something inside. He thought angrily that no one had ever spoke the truth to him about same gender love. Why had it been so taboo? Why was it so strictly forbidden? He skidded to a stop before reaching his chair, seeing Harry still sitting with his eyes closed in his spot. Was he asleep?

            "I can hear you breathing Draco." Harry said softly. 

            "How did you know it was me?" Draco asked quietly.

            "I would know you if I were three weeks dead." Harry replied. "I am thinking of our time last year in Hogwarts. Did it mean as much to you as it did to me?"

            Draco was silent. "It was all an experiment Harry. It meant nothing. I am happily married to Pansy now and nothing can change that." He wasn't quite successful at keeping the bitterness out of his voice.

            "I know who turned us in." Harry said abruptly, perhaps hurt by what Draco said. Draco wanted to tell Harry that they were being watched. That this was all a test set up by some sadistic bastard. 

            "Really? I **should** know who to thank. We were abnormal, unnatural. What I have now is nice and safe and proper." And boring. And dull. And loveless. When he had been with Harry it had been warm and colourful and always an adventure. He remembered the time they  had made love behind the school rosebushes and Harry had taken his picture in all different poses. 

            "Who had the most to gain from us being torn apart? Who knew that we would be forced to wed?"

            Draco snorted. "Potter I have been betrothed to Pansy since I was an infant. Our disgusting things merely expedited an otherwise tedious process. I suppose I should thank you for that."

            Harry flinched as though he had been struck. "Never mind then."

            "That doesn't mean I don't want to know." Draco said grimly, feeling his temper rise.

            "I married her." Harry said softly, so softly that it was damn near impossible for Draco to hear him. "Ginny got everything when we got married and I lost it all. In a way we are both guilty of having too much love. She loved me too much and caused my downfall so to speak, I loved you too much to the point that I could never love anyone else."

            Draco was silent, wanting to tell Harry that he felt the same. He knew exactly what he meant because he had been there himself. He was pieces of who he used to be. "I still love you." He murmured.

            "I love you."

            "I'm a Death Eater."

            "You could  no more be a follower of Voldemort than I could. The sun could be a Death Eater first."

            "What do we do from here? There is nothing we can do Emerald, if we go off together we will be hunted men."

            "Men? We haven't even hit twenty my Dragon." Harry shook his head. "Why do you think Sirius and Lupin aren't here? They defied the world, they flouted the law and are together. I can't live a lie anymore."

            Draco knew they were both victims and his rage at Ginny Weasley Potter welled up and knew no ends. "I have much more to lose than you do my love?"

            "You think so?" Harry retorted. "I sincerely doubt it."

            Draco didn't reply. Too much love was killing them and he didn't understand why. All he wanted to do was to snog Harry senseless, strip him naked, take his manhood into his mouth and blow him to ecstasy before straddling him on a chair and shagging him senseless. He felt himself harden at the thought and smiled mirthlessly. Pansy would be thrilled if she could see him so hard now, since no matter what she did she could never get a rise out of him. She probably knew he pictured Harry to fulfill the duties of a husband, never knowing that Draco was carefully preventing them from ever having children. He couldn't do it with someone he didn't love, and was certain Harry was doing the same. He looked up into those clear emerald eyes and suddenly didn't give a damn anymore. He was tired of being lonely, of hurting. "We both have a lot to lose Harry. Am I worth it?"

            "Am I?" Harry ran his hands through his mop of hair. "Draco I'm having a hard enough time thinking straight with you here. No matter what we are bound to lose, and all I can think about is sucking you dry and begging you to enter me and have your naughty way with me. All I want is you, and if you ask me all I ever wanted was you."

            '_Too much love will kill you, it will make your life a lie.'_* Draco thought. 

            "Drake! Where the hell are you?" Pansy's shrill voice echoed in the hall. 

            "Harry, I'm waiting! We're going to mother's!" Ginny said as she came in, stopping abruptly. All four of them stared at each other. Determination sank on the face of Ginny as she headed towards her husband. "Come on Harry, your unnaturalness is ended, remember?"

            "I know you are the one who turned us in Gin." Harry said gently.

            "So what if I did?" Ginny planted her fists on her hips. "There was no other way you'd have chosen or married me! I did what I had to! A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do!"

            "I'm not going with you Ginny." Harry shook his head.

            Draco arched an eyebrow at Pansy and said nothing. He knew the expression on his face, his body language said more for him than any words could. Pansy's eyes welled up with tears even as she nodded. She walked towards him and leaned forward. "I too lost someone I loved when we were forced together. I understand and I bid you no ill will. I will hold off the Death Eaters as long as I can."

            Draco pulled her close in a firm hug. "Thank you."

            Harry held a hand out to Draco who left his wife and went to him. Ginny stood alone, tears falling from her eyes. "Harry…"

            "Too much love will kill you Ginny, in the end." Was all Harry said. 

            "They are coming." Pansy said abruptly. "You have been discovered, your father found out. I imagine a Slytherin spy Draco. Go if you are going!"

            Draco and Harry nodded and Apparated out of the Meeting Hall just as the door burst open. Gone were the two who were torn between their lovers and the love they had left behind.

*

I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be   
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me   
I'm far away from home   
And I've been facing this alone   
For much too long   
I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me   
About growing up and what a struggle it would be   
In my tangled state of mind   
I've been looking back to find   
Where I went wrong 

  
Too much love will kill you   
If you can't make up your mind   
Torn between the lover   
And the love you leave behind   
You're headed for disaster   
'cos you never read the signs   
Too much love will kill you   
Every time

I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be   
And it seems like there's no way out of this for me   
I used to bring you sunshine   
Now all I ever do is bring you down   
How would it be if you were standing in my shoes   
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose   
No there's no making sense of it   
Every way I go I'm bound to lose

Too much love will kill you   
Just as sure as none at all   
It'll drain the power that's in you   
Make you plead and scream and crawl   
And the pain will make you crazy   
You're the victim of your crime   
Too much love will kill you   
Every time 

Too much love will kill you   
It'll make your life a lie   
Yes, too much love will kill you   
And you won't understand why   
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul   
But here it comes again   
Too much love will kill you   
In the end...   
In the end.

            -Queen

            I hope you enjoyed! Review please as reviews mean everything to me! No flames! Feedback! Should I add another chapter? I am considering it! Thanks for reading!


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